Ambien, Shmambien

I had been taking Ambien for a few months now and had finally had a tight grasp on how to avoid its ridiculous side effects (uh, duh sleep I know). Not only did I need a prescribed narcotic to fall asleep but my television on as well. I became in the habit of taking the pill an hour into whatever obnoxious movie I was watching and being well into dreamland by the end.

One night I was an hour into “Kalifornia” when I routinely got up and took my life saving medication. I plopped back in bed, snuggled up and after twenty minutes or so I was fast asleep.

An amount of time unbeknownst to me passed and I was slightly startled by the continuous screaming of Kings of Leon next to my ear. Somehow figuring out it was my cell phone, I answered.

“THERE’S BEEN AN ACCIDENT!”
“What? Are you alright?” Confused and half asleep.
“It’s your Uncle, it’s not good your Aunt and I are on our way to pick you up. We left in a rush and are still in our work clothes and haven’t had dinner so can you pack us a bag? He’s at Scranton hospital and they’re expecting 4 feet so we won’t be going anywhere”
“Ok Ok, where are you”
“Five minutes away”

I apparently then stopped talking, but didn’t hang up.

The next thing I remember was waking up to my Mom and Aunt getting in the car with blue scrubs on.

I apparently went right to sleep once I got in the car the night before and wouldn’t budge when we arrived at our destination. Six hours later they were coming back from intensive care.

“Did you scrub in on his surgery or something”
“Fuck you jerk” My Aunt is unlike any other.
“What did I do? Sorry I was sleeping I…”
“Who cares about that, what were you on crack!? We took the bag out wanting to change out of our work clothes only to find a white undershirt, two thongs, a carton of orange juice and a box of cereal"
"Well I can explain the white t-shirt, I was watching Kalifornia"
"How the fuck does that explain your lack of brain cells!?"

I actually found this quite amusing, knowing the zombie like side effects of this potent drug. They for one did not but thanks to a cute little nurse they were supplied with proper lounge attire, which I would later steal from my Mom’s drawer and wear to bed for years to come. If you think about it I complied with their requests, an outfit and some food. Well, if we were on Venice Beach maybe.

Oh, and my Uncle is just fine, thanks for asking.